Seeds of Change

There are changes afoot.
I am getting loads of positive vibes, signs, thoughts, hints, and ideas bombarded at me from all directions.
Opening myself up to new ideas to get me kick-started again,  has worked in abundance.
Seems everything I read, hear or see at the moment is setting seeds and I feel a change coming.

Looking at the calendar this morning it dawned on me it is twenty weeks tomorrow to my Big O.
It sparked off the mental arithmetic = 20 weeks x 2 pounds a week = 40 pounds...It is doable.
But I am not going down that road anymore. If I get the weight loss by my birthday all well and good.
I have read several wonderful posts in the past day or two that have swayed my thinking.   I was directed by Kari (Fat[free]Me)t o Karen's(Fitcetera) post yesterday. Karen had linked to this posting : http://mepschronicles.blogspot.com/2009/10/make-your-life-worthwhile.html 
I cried on reading this, it really struck home, really really struck home.  THANKS KARI you were right.

I then read a posting on http://mizfitonline.com/   it was a guest posting by Myra, again that struck home good style.

Then a posting from the lovely Dawne @ 
http://dawneandgreg.blogspot.com/2009/10/day-58-ups-and-downs.html

Again food for thought.

So this weekend I hope to bounce some thoughts and ideas around with Kari and put a new improved plan into action as we go into November. I need to have a more holistic approach to my whole body health and not just focus on my weight.

I started this blog with my buzz word being  JOY these past weeks there has been no joy in my eating.
I want JOY in every aspect of my life and I am going to get it.

Thank You For the Food For Thought

Thank you for the very helpful comments on yesterdays post, you have given me food for thought.
I am working on me and my attitude and hopefully you will see a couple of little changes that will make a big difference.

I thought I would share with you some of my happiness.....Here are some photo's from the weekend.....

Am I a Lucky Grandma or What?

Weigh Day is Not a WaaaaHaaay Day!

Got weighed this morning, another pound lost. I know I should be pleased but I am disappointed.
I want to know what I am doing wrong?

Okay I know the exercise is virtually nil, I am doing my best to get over this stupid back of mine. But it is holding me back alot.  My eating has been spot on this week, 1600 calories or less per day. Not gone over once this week, even with having the girls here at the weekend.  The Mars bar is still here sat on the shelf, so that proves I am controlling my eating.

I am wondering if it is anything to do with the fact I am off HRT now and that is having a slowing down effect on my metabolism.  I know it is partly the reason my bones are aching!!

I am feeling like a hefty tortoise or even a huge turtle at the minute, plodding slowly through everything.  I don't like the feeling and need to do something about it. I know in the fable of the "Tortoise and the Hare" the tortoise finally wins the race, but this race don't seem to be on right now.

HEEEEEEEEEELP........................

Gorgeous Blog Award No:2

Well what can I say, another lovely surprise, thank you Tina.

Tina is a lovely girl, getting littler by the day with a big heart.
She is looking pretty glamourous these days, go check her out.
http://tinasjourneywithww.blogspot.com/

So now I have to nominate and link to seven favourite blogs....

My Magnificent Seven
Tammy
http://foodaddict-fromfattofab.blogspot.com/
Cara
http://www.carasweightlossjournal.com/
Kari
http://fat-free-me.blogspot.com/
Amy
http://hecate-metamorphosis.blogspot.com/
Susan
http://www.thecrazywomaninsideme.com/
Tracy
http://molsmum.blogspot.com/
Suzi
http://spunkysuzi-mydailynosh.blogspot.com/


Now I have to tell you Six ?Interesting? Facts About Me.

1. I was born in Liverpool. The city with two cathederals, two famous football teams and the home of the Beatles. Also much much more but I'm not wanting to bore you;)

2. I love Lighthouses and one of my dream holidays would be to do a tour of the Lighthouses of the  Eastern SeaBoard of The USA.

3. I love Poppies.

4. I have an addictive nature, as a Piscean it is a trait. I am addicted to:
`   babies laughter, my husbands kisses, my grandaughter's giggles (all four of them)
    my best friends hugs.  Also, paper, card ink,rubber stamps,ribbons, buttons, embellishments,scrapbooks.
    Notice there is no food or drink in my list:)  

5. Rainbows have special meaning for me, my mother passed away while I was on holiday in
Tighnabruich in  Scotland. After I had heard of her passing I went for a walk down by the loch.  It was a beautiful suuny day and suddenly there was a shower of rain.  It past very quickly and out came a beautiful rainbow across the water from me.  I took it as a sign from my mam that all was well.  Since then when ever I have been stressed or worried about anything, more often than not a rainbow appears.

6. I collect candles.



My eating is so on track I am impressing myself. Wish I could say the same about exercise. My back is very fragile at the moment and not letting me do more than walking, it is Very Frustrating.

It's a New Day

Birds flying high

You know how I feel

Sun in the sky

You know how I feel

Reeds driftin' on by

You know how I feel

It's a new dawn

It's a new day

It's a new life

For me

And I'm feeling good

Curtesy of Michael Buble

Michael Buble was a guest on The X Factor last night and he belted out a good 'un.

I was inspired to put on one of his cd's and
"It's A New Day" did it for me.

I love the Big Band sound and I have missed it, in fact I have missed music altogether.

Something I realised over the weekend when the girls wanted music on.

So we listened to Boyzone, Shane Ward, Boyzone, Shane Ward, Boyzone, Shane Ward.

Yes they wanted them on constantly and it was FUN.

So part of this weeks plan is more music, I need lifting and music does help me a lot.

I am going back to the gym today WOOHOO...not been for a month.

I am going to start over gentley and coax my back back to fitness.

My motivation is back.

Thanks to Mr Buble.

That was the Weekend that Was

Well that was the weekend that was, it went so fast I am dazed.
We had one of the best weekends in a while, lots of fun with the girls.
It was good to get creative again too, they did four scrapbook pages each.
I was itching to get some done myself, but the Shoebox and shed do not allow the space for three scrapbookers.  So grandma was there to supervise and and general clean up afterwards.
They really did enjoy themselves and we have set a date for our next craft day, Christmas cards this time.

I am now relaxing in a nice tidy Shoebox with my beloved sat beside me playing on the XBox (Earphones are compulsory).  Titch is snuggled between us, the lights are on, the clocks went back last night so it is dark already, winter is on the way.  So we are a cosy little trio on the sofa, I am feeling quite emotional I think I know why but I am not sure.

I am grateful for the joy of my darling granddaughters, but I am sad about the rift in my family. Most days I can put a brave face on about it.  But when I get a taste of how it was but isn't anymore, it breaks my heart. One grandaughter asked yesterday if we could look at the photo's of the "old days" I asked her what "old days". She shrugged her shoulders and said "You know grandma, the old days"  she had tears in her eyes. I coudn't say a word, there was a lump in my throat that almost choked me. I used to be at their house at least three times a week and see them every weekend. But now I see her about every six weeks if I am lucky. I have tried building bridges with her mum, but to no avail.  What more can I do?

I gained the love of a wonderful man, and lost the love of a fabulous daughter.
I gained a life and lost my daughter and her family.
Why is there Always a price to pay?

Fabulous Day S.t.r.e...t...c..h..i..n..g into a Weekend!!

Well my Scrapbooking Day with my two granddaughters is stretching into a weekend. They wanted to say for the whole weekend. Guess how that made me feel?
As I type they are watching The X Factor. quilts and pillows on the floor, they are  in their Jammies. We have had a lovely day, in fact I have had a WONDERFUL Day.  I have seen all five of my grandchildren that live locally, all in the one day.  That has not happened since my middle daughter fell out with me.

I have seen two of my children also and a son in law, it has been great, just like the old days like the old days.

These photos were taken today and I am blatantly showing off.
Because I think these three little girls are FABULOUS.

I hope you are all having as good a weekend as I am.

NOT GOING BACK

I was feeling pretty stressed out last night after a rather bad day.

Between family and work problems and  other matters

I was at screaming point when I got home.

Last nightI wrote about the perfume from my flowers

 and concerntrating on that

rather than the comfort food I usually grab on days like this.

During the day I speak to my husband by phone at least four times during the day. So he can gauge my mood, he reads me very well.  He is the one person I cannot hide from.  No brave face, or over-bright voice will get past him. When we spoke at around 5:30pm I said I could kill for a Mars Bar.

When he got home at 8:50pm he gave me a huge hug and a Mars Bar.

I was delighted he wanted to give me what he thought I needed. 

But guess what ?I didn't eat it, the photo above was taken at 5:30am,

twelve hours after my saying I could kill for one. 

I am still feeling rather stressed, but I am proud to say:

I am NOT resorting to food.

I am NOT giving in. 

I am NOT going back to old habits.

I am focussing on the future and I have a great month ahead.

This weekend I have my Two J's for some scrapbooking on Saturday.

Going to Liverpool on Sunday if the weather is fair to see

HMS Illustrious,  Royal Navy Aircraft Carrier.

She is in port for six days and it is giving me a great buzz that to see Liverpool

is claiming back some of her heritage as a major seaport.

Next weekend the Delightful, Diminutive Diva Kari (Fat[free]Me)

is coming to stay. I am so excited about her coming down here.

The following weekend my Darling eldest grandgrandchild Matthew

 is 18 so it is a party weekend down in Hampshire.

The weekend after that is Crab Apple Craft Retreat

So that is three Wonderful Days with my Bezzy Mate.

Then the following weekend we are up to Bonnie Scotland

to see mum-in-law who is doing pretty good at the moment:)

Also of course to see the beautiful Finn who is already four weeks old!!

So with all that to look forward to I am feeling better already.

I wrote this post at 6am this morning but Blooger decided to play up.

It is now 12.30pm and i have had another stressful morning at work and that

Mars Bar is taunting me... I am igoring it...I am ignoring it....

I AM IgnOring IT!!!

When I arrived home this evening the house smelled wonderful.

The bouquet my husband bought me at the weekend had come into it's own a

nd the perfume of the lilies  is gorgeous.

I have had a stressful day today with one thing and another.

My eating has been spot on which I am pleased about, as usually I head for bread, chocolate and all  comforting food.  Not done so so far.  I am just smelling my flowers and hoping they keep me on the right road till Ralph comes home:)

Wednesday Weigh-In

One pound lost.

I would love to be excited about it because after all it is a loss.
But the truth is I am very disappointed.
I was hoping for three, expecting two and got one.

I hope it will show next week,
I am not back in the exercise groove so I guess that is the problem.
I need to get my motivation sorted.
Anyone got any to spare?

And the Nominee's Are....(Drum Roll Maestro Please)

My nominations for the Gorgeous Blog Award are here in no particular order as they say on  TV.

They are people who for me are the epitome of love and kindness. 
They each have their own struggles, not just with weight.
They do it with grace, with love and with humour.
They are all caring and supportive of friends they have never met and probably never will.

There is one exception and that is my best friend Trish.  She doesn't blog about her weight.
She blogs about life as the wife and carer of a brain-injured husband.
You may feel uncomfortable about reading about the life she has.
That is fine, she has a good support system around her of loving caring friendsand family.
What makes Trish special is she is so loving, caring and giving to those friends.
She is my rock and has been with me through my bad times and supported me
every step of the way, so please believe me it is not favouritism giving her an award.
She is gorgeous and she deserves it.

The other nominee's are:


Karen @
http://katschisfitcetera.blogspot.com/
Tina @
http://tinasjourneywithww.blogspot.com/
Trish @
http://thisaccidentalcarer.blogspot.com/
Zaa @
http://zaaisshrinking.blogspot.com/
Dawne @
http://dawneandgreg.blogspot.com/
Suzi @
http://spunkysuzi.blogspot.com/
Dana
http://danasafattymcbutterpants.blogspot.com/



I could have given this award out three fold:)

In fact I need to produce one of my own to give away, erm..where do I start...

Look What I Got!!

This is the Lovely Surprise I got when I checked in this evening.

I am so happy and grateful for such a  "Gorgeous Award"

I received the award from the inspiring young woman who calls herself

"266"

http://266-twosixtysix.blogspot.com/

I really enjoy reading her blog, she is human, honest and humourous.

I think she is going to inspire a large amount of people on this journeyshe is taking.

I'm going to enjoy seeing her reach her distination.

Now I have got to figure out what I have to do now :(

Hang About..........

with many such accolades there are guidelines to follow and they are:

1. Thank the person who nominated me.

Done

2. Copy the award and place it on my blog.

Done
3. Link to the person who nominated me.

Done

4. Name six things people might find interesting.

Erm...Done

5. Nominate seven bloggers.

6. Post links to the bloggers I nominate

 

 

Six Interesting? ? Things You may not Know About Me

 

1. I am left handed, it doesn't cause me any problems. It causes problems for other people, namely my husband, he thinks I am struggling so trys to help.  Just because I may look awkward doesn't mean I am having difficulty:)

2. I like to walk barefoot indoors this often causes me pain as I am quite clumsy too.

3. I collect Notebooks, I buy them, planning to use them, but then find I cannot use them for fear of spoiling the beautiful blank pages with my terrible handwriting.  (Do you think I need a shrink?)

4. I have two different coloured eyes. One Blue, One Brown.

5. I am a Lapsed Catholic, trying to find my way back.

6. Beauty in nature, in music, in words, makes me cry.

 

It is getting late now and I need to get to bed, I will do my nominations tomorrow.

 

Today has been a good day and I can feel the power coming back.  Thank you to every one who has been so supportive and encouraging over the past week.  You are Very Special People.

 

Sunday = Funday

A Good Day.
A Fun Day.

Went to Anglesey to spend the day with Trish, my BezzyMate and some other lovely ladies, Sam and Tracy and Pat and Mel, I have forgotten the name of the lady who was quilting:(  They were scrapbooking, making books, making Christmas cards and generally having FUN.

Trish and I had a good natter and she made me jealous with the stash of new papers and stamps she had bought. Did you know there are people who buy paper to stroke and caress it?  No...well you just need to look in my shed and you will find tons of the stuff and I added to my stash today also, but it was Trish's rubber stamps I wanted....

I had a lovely day and I must say I feel much better mentally today than I have for the past week.  Thank you lovely ladies of Anglesey.

I came home and checked my emails, Facebook and blog to find that my lovely Kari (Fat[free]Me) had excelled herself in the 10K, I am so proud of her I could burst. I did cry, with happiness and joy.  She is such a star.

My eating today was fine I ate 1695 calories, 95 over my allowance, but I can soon balance the numbers.
So all in all I have had a Great Day.

Tomorrow is a new day, the beginning of a New Week and I am looking forward to it.

Where I Have Been Today

Saturday morning and we were up and out by 7:20am.
Planning to do a lot today so an early start was  needed.


So at 7:45 we were here

Sorry Kari..(She doesn't like Tesco)

We stocked up on healthy food....

The fridge is groaning (Can you hear it?)

Loads of fruit

Loads of winter vegetables (Forgot to put the cabbage in the photo)

My Salads for lunch during the week.

I am pretty sure this will be the last week for soft fruits.

Stir fry on special offer (Looking forward to trying the noodles)

Salad Leaves, Peppers and Tomatoes.

Goody Tray Replenished (Ralph Eats Most of These!)

After Tesco's We Came Here:)

Had breakfast, I was good didn't have coffee, didn't have cake, Just black tea and a ham and cheese toastie.

Had a lovely browse in the magazines and found a book that may help with some thoughts I am having lately.

My darling bought me the book and magazine.

I posted these photo's to reinforce the fact I am back on track, the photo in my previous post was of a railway walk at Dollar, in Bonnie Scotland. (On Track;) Get It?)..never mind;)

I have tons of health foods in, have been 95% good since Wednesday. Back to the gym on Monday.

Feeling Fine Sometimes

The Final Fresh Start is going.....

Oh £$%$^%&^&&!!!!

Well I know I had a gain, but what a gain, I don't do things by half...

SEVEN & A HALF POUNDS !!!!

I am in shock, I had thought four or five pounds but no...

SEVEN & A HALF POUNDS !!!!!!!!

As I was typing thes words, the wonderful Severiano Ballasterios was on th BBC news talking about entering and winning the Open next year at St Andrews. This man is amazing, I have always been a fan, such a gorgeously handsome man and amazing golfer. He has battled with brain tumours this past two years. Now he is looking to the future, back to winning. 

Surely if he can do battle with cancer with such a positive attitude, I can deal with shedding a measily 44 pounds.

So no more misery posting, if you get even a hint of negativity from me, give me a kick up the bum!!

Positivity is what I need and Seve will be my inspiration.

So here I go again:

MY LAST FRESH START

Wednesday 14.10.09     215:8lbs

Going Down, Down, Down, Down

The Beautiful Fairy of the Scottish Lands Sprinkles Her Magic Dust....

She has done it again my darling little friend has lifted my spirits again.
She is so Fat[free]Free these days she is almost unrecognisable.
A good natter on the phone and she has got me all motivated again.

I am very lucky to have such wonderful friends:
My Bezzy Mate Trish http://thisaccidentalcarer.blogspot.com/
My Darlin Girl  Kari http://fat-free-me.blogspot.com/
They are my two real-time friends
Trish for over twenty years Kari for five or more.
And to be honest I don't know what I would do without them.
They are SIMPLY the BEST.

Then there are my new friends in Blogland, who encourage and inspire
with  wonderful words and honesty. Your stories are so gobsmackingly
wonderful.  Some are perfect wordsmith's, and some are just simply truthful,
sometimes painfully so.

Thank you to vRaz60, F.McButterPants, amoslionhorse and 266 for your encouraging comments today, I really do honour your comments also today.

I weigh in tomorrow and I know I have gained and I think it will be a large gain.
But I will treat the numbers with distain and look foward and downwards because do you know what?
I'll Get By With a Little Help from My Friends...

The Wagon Has Crashed.

I haven't just fallen of the wagon, I have crashed out of it and I can't see me getting back on.  I am hungry all the time and I don't know why,  I am wanting bread and butter desperately.

Sunday in the Shoebox

We had more sad news this morning, my eldest daughter
Jen lost her beautiful Westie in the early hours of this morning.
Banjo was fifteen and a half and had a wonderful life. 
I remember my son in law bringing him home for the first time, hidden inside his black leather jacket, a little bundle of white fluff, eight weeks old.  He was a great little dog who gave back twice fold the love he was given. It has been a sad year regarding the pets in our family, first Cally, then Ella and now Banjo. I hope they are all playing together with Henri in dog heaven:)

We have had a busy day here in the Shoebox. We have rearranged the living room and made some space.
It took from 9o'clock this morning until 4o'clock this afternoonwith a half hour break for lunch.  A lot move lifting, moving and removing but it looks good now.

I am back to work tomorrow, hopfully getting backin the groove with my eating also.I haven't been counting
calories the past few days. But all my books and notebook and pens are out and ready for
Yet Another Fresh Start. 
We had home made chips tonight, first I have cooked in over a year. We had chicken escalope, chips and beans and it was gorgeous.

It has been a strange week, the holiday was not what we had hoped for.Then the worry about mum and being in limbo about wether or not to go up. We would have been happier going to Scotland but we know Heather was right, mum would have been quite upset to think we had cut short the holiday to get up there. We will be going up when she has her follow up appointment. Ralph has been very quiet, not wanting to eat, wanting to be busy all day. He was wonderful when we had the call about Banjo, but then went back into his busy mode.  I have learnt that this is how he copes with and kind of stress and we just get stuff done. I am used to men hitting the bottle or worse when stressed so this is all new to me.

Simple Saturday

We are having a quiet day today, mum in law is home from hospital and feeling good. 
She has to go back in a fortnight for the results of tests. We have spoken to her a couple of times on the phone. Last night she sounded tired but this morning she sounded like her old self. She has been discharged on stong antibiotics which are making her feel queasy.

Heather is staying with mum for the weekend and we had a good natter about what the doctors have said and what is in  the letter to mum's GP.  I wish I didn't have the knowledge that Ralph and Heather don't have.  I am worried about mum. I have tried to talk honestly with Ralph about her, he keeps asking me medical questions and I know he is worried too. But I don't want to put our two worries together, not yet.  I am banking on the power of prayer right now.

Ralph looks pale and tired, he is doing some homework for his Braille course.  I am sitting quietly by typing away and wanting to take his worries away.  I love him and his lovley family so very much.

In The Doldrums

Since getting back yesterday I have been catching up on so many blogs.
I still haven't caught up on all of them. 
There seems to be a similar thread running through many blogs this week.
A lot of us are in the doldrums, we have no wind  in our sails.

Is this the reason so many diets and healthy eating plans fail? 
Why does it happen?
Is it down to our metabolism?
Is it the season?
I could ask question after question as to why?
How does one keep the momentum going?

I have written before about the changing of the seasons being a worry to me, I find it easier to watch what I am eating in the summer.  As we enter Autumn (my favourite season) food matters are difficult.  For me Autumn going into winter means pies, stews and casseroles, served with potatoes and root vegetables .
Steamed puddings and milk puddings.  Yes I know these meals can be adapted to low calorie versions but they don't taste the same do they?

I am trying to self motivate myself by reading other blogs, believe me there are some really FABULOUS inspiring stories out there. Today I have read about mid-goal rewards,  re-focussing, changing plans. One posting  that really struck a chord with me was from "266" about a diet/healthy eating plan being like a relationship.

She is so right, in a new relationship you nurture and cosset, encourage and praise, love and honour.  When the honeymoon is over, these slip, the love and caring is still there but is reaches a comfort level and the energy levels go down.  So what can we do?


Loving ourselves is the key, treat ourselves as we would a partner or a child if they were having a bad time.
Be gentle.
Be kind.
Be loving.

We Are Back Early From Cornwall

We are back three days early, two reasons:

1 We had a call from Ralph's sister rang last night top tell him his lovely mum is in hospital.  She had a blood test because she was feeling very tired. The consequence being she was admitted to hospital urgently with a very low blood count.  Overnight she was given three units of blood and she was having a gastropscopy this afternoon.  We are playing it by ear and when we hear from Heather we will decided on when to go up. At least being back home here we are much closer to her and we feel better about that.

2. The rain never stopped in Cornwall from Sunday evening. 
We had a lovely time but not the holiday we planned. We walked about 15 miles is 5 days that  is less than a third of what I had hoped for. Healthy eating was at around 45%.

We visited some delightful places which would be absolutely fantastic if the weather was kind to us.
We went to the Eden Project  http://www.edenproject.com/ yesterday and even thought the rain was torrential it was a brilliant experience and we will definately be going back.

On the way back from Eden we talked about cutting the holiday short and the3n getting the call from Heather decided it for us, so we left  Truro at 5 o'clock this morning and drove home in a spectacular sunrise and a fabulous bright Autumn day...Sod's Law I think.

I will be putting some photo's of the Naughty but Very Nice Food I had while away on my food blog
http://shereallylovesfood.blogspot.com/  All I will say about my diet while we we away is I am glad I am not getting weighed until next Wednesday.  No excuses, I compensated with food and I need to get back on track FAST!!!

Bags Are Packed.

Our bags are packed and we are all set for an early start tomorrow. So it is Cornwall here we come..
I am really looking forward to this holiday and it doesn't matter if we have fair weather or foul. 
As long as I have my darling by my side I will have a great time.

Last night's "Curry Night" was Excellent!
The food was fabulous, the wine was wonderful, the friends were fantastic.
 The craich was superb, the laughter was rib achingly crazy.

Thank you for all the lovely comments and encouragement after my last couple of posts,
they mean a great deal to me. There are some really special people out there in Blogland and
I feel I have some lovely friends out there now:0)

This coming week I hope to put in a lot of walking averaging 7-10 miles a day.
I hope to have a healthy attitude towards food but also enjoy being on holiday.
I am taking my laptop with me, for downloading photo's.Not sure about internet access at the house, so I may be posting, maybe not.

So I wish you all a great week: Be happy, Be healthy and be YOU.

October

October is a fabulous month.  I love the colours of Autumn, the crisp air, it's my favourite time for walking and taking photographs.

I am feeling better this morning, I had a natter with K (Fat[free]Me) last night and she gave me a pep talk and I am going to take her advice and look at switching some of the food I am eating.

So I apologise for my misery post last night and look forward to a bountiful October and a more positive outlook.

I am out for a curry tonight with the girls from work, looking forward to it. We enjoy a good laugh on these nights and as the flu season is upon us we need a giggle. We have our first flu vac clinic this afternoon so things will be manic. We will need the curry tonight,,LOL