Monday, 30 August 2010

Making Friends Monday

Makin' Mondays: Back to the Basics

I have not taken part in this fun thing before, I hope I do it right:)

I like...walking beside water, it soothes me.

I don't like...bad manner's.

I love....My husband, my children and my grandchildren.

I dream of...being healthy and fit at 80.

I wonder...will I really meet  somelovely blog friends when I visit New England and New York in six weeks time.

I know...I have met my  beloved soulmate finally.

I Angelsey to join my best friend Trish yesterday and as always had a wonderful few hours of pure happiness in her company.
I have...good intentions.

I think...I'm coming out of a very bad patch into the sunshine and I know I am blessed in so many ways.
I do...try hard to get the best out of my life, I tend to procrastinate far too much
I drink...water, but not as much as I should.

I wish..oh I wish...

I am...a work in progess, the progress is slow but I am getting there.
I am not... going to let this go, I will lose the weight that is getting me down.

I need...Motivation.

I graduated...from college.
I be the person I am meant to be, the person I didn't believe I deserved to be, but now I am beginning to believe in Me.

I want...Joy in every thing I do, from the mundane to the extra special.
I sometimes...self sabotage, but I am working on self worth.
I always...fear the worst.
I can...I Will.
I the health service.

I cannot...swim.

I avoid...Confrontation.  It scares me and my self esteem hits the floor if it happens.
I will...Do my best to get healthier, fitter and slimmer.
Copied from Kenz's Blog
Friend Makin' Mondays are back, and I'm so excited to be hosting it this week. If you're no stranger to FMM then welcome back. :) If you're new and want to take part, all you have to do is copy this post and a link (with your own answers) onto your own blog then link up at the bottom of this post. After that, just take a few minutes to visit a few FMM bloggers and leave a comment or two. It's a great way to discover new and awesome blogs. Let's get to know each other, shall we?

Fingers Crossed!!

Bank Holiday Monday

Bank Holiday Monday, there was me thinking I had a whole extra day to share with my man..He has to work, I had not realised he has to use his annual leave to have Bank Holiday's off. He has no leave left so he has to work. So I have a long day without him at home today.

Now a few weeks ago I would have gone into a black low mood and sat on the sofa, in my dressing gown, eating crap, watching mind numbing tv. Today is going to be very different... The medication has kicked in.
I am lifted from that dark place and I am feeling mentally clearer and emotionally steadier. There are still some issues I need to deal with, but I will get there.  So today, Sheilagh is going to play...

I am going to have breakfast, then have a tidy up around the house. Then I am out in my playhouse having fun!!
Have a great day.

Thursday, 26 August 2010

My Sign

This was a gift from my darling, isn't it cute?

Here it is on my shed

See the green shed behind?
That is my old one, which is now Ralph's.

I love my shed and I am beginning to use it more now I am feeling better with each passing day.

Thank you everyone for your love and support over the past few months.
I am ready to start taking care of my tired achey breaky body now, but getting to it gentley.
Walking, eating clean, drinking my water and having fun.

Tuesday, 24 August 2010


I have had a fun morning with Jaz, we went shopping in Warrington, she got her new school coat, pencil case and back pack. When we got back we had lunch of roast pork and stuffing sandwiches, followed by strawberries and yogurt, delicious. Then we did some "dancing"...more like acting the fool, but do you know it felt great. I feel the JOY coming back into my life.  The enjoyment of simple pleasure's is priceless. My granddaughters have lifted my spirits so often over the past few weeks.  Jaz and I are both missing Jessica and Emily, but having some fun times together. We laugh so much it hurts.  I have a magnet on my fridge that says..Grandchildren are the reward for being a parent.  Jaz asked me what it meant, I explained that being a parent can be hard at times as there is so much responsibility to bringing up a family. But being a grandparent is just fun, playtime all the time. She laughed and said.."Well Grandmother (she has taken to calling us all formally) it  is always lots of fun at your house"  ...Guess who is walking 10 feet tall at the moment:)

Monday, 23 August 2010

Monday Monday....Again!!!

this is what I feel like right now, big, fat, floppy, tired.
Ted is cuddly and I love him to bits.
I don't want to be like him.
I have got to get a grip!!!


Saturday, 21 August 2010

I'm Here But I am Not.

I am here, but I'm not, but it is all good.

Ralph's scan result is in....and it is CLEAR!!!  Thanks Be To God.

Thank you everyone who sent out prayers and healing thoughts, we are as you may guess, very happy right now. Still puzzzled about the headaches but greatly relieved there was nothing sinister on the scan.  He has his appointment about his eyes on the 31st of this month, so we still have that to deal with, but I feel we are in a good place at the moment.

A weekend of relaxation and fun has been prescribed by me. I want you all to share it with us.  Have a great weekend you lovely people xxx

Wednesday, 18 August 2010

Cooking with Jaz

I spent a lovely afternoon with my Gorgeous Jazmine yesterday.  We had our very first "Grown up" cooking session.  We both enjoyed ourselves very much.
These are her first scones, they were delicious.

Who doesn't enjoy scraping the bowl?

                                                         Jaz's first sponge cake, looking good.

                                                                  The end product.

                                      Her cake was Fabulous, Delicious and very very light.

She is very good at reading recipe's and following instructions. I was a supervisor but no more, she took my advice and guidance to produce what I believe would be a prize winner if she had been in a competition.

Her mum and dad came for tea, she drew up menu's for the table, set the table and asked lot's of questions about what I was cooking for tea.  Sweet Chilli Chicken Stirfry with rice Noodles, she is very keen to learn and it is such fun.

After tea she brought her cake to the table and her mum and dad were gobsmacked, they couldn't believe she had cooked it.  When they tasted it they couldn't speak, it was so delicious.  I was planning on taking photo's but both the battieries from my camera died so I didn't get to catch their reaction which was a shame, it really was a picture to keep.

I think this nine year old is going to be a great cook, we are doing it again next week....Can't wait.

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Emotionally and Physically Spent

I have been wiped out since Friday evening, both physically and emotionally. The fabulous feelings and emotional high of Friday could not last and dwindled away over the weekend. I did a lot of sleeping, sleeping in until 10 o'clock on Sunday morning. This is unheard of, I am always awake by 6:30...

Ralph and I had a quiet weekend, it was his turn around weekend and I always make sure he just relaxes on these weekends. But especially this weekend, with the health problems he has at the moment.

I returned to work yesterday and it was ok. I had a long conversation with the doctor who sent me home after my "meltdown".  She was so supportive and encouraging and explained a few queries I had about how I am feeling at the moment. The fact I am not crying when upset? Though I cried with pride on Friday? It seems my level of Seratonin is being levelled out  by my medication, therefore I don't have the emotional up's and down's of a few weeks ago.  Also listening to the positive mental training programme she gave me is helping too, I just need to listen to it on a more regular basis.

I found a card I have had for years at the weekend, mixed in with a pile of stuff I was decluttering.  It was a little like an angel tapping me on the shoulder. This what it says:

Be Kind To Yourself

Be gentle with your thoughts and feelings
For the more we can love ourselves
And the more honest we can be with our own emotions
The Freer we are to Love and give JOY to Others.

Friday, 13 August 2010

Well I did Warn You....

This was my Conor in April, I was so proud of him then.
I thought my heart would burst with pride then. 
Little did I know four months down the line
I would be so proud it made my heart ache with love.

This was him today, doesn't he look Fabulous?
His grandma looks not so good,
as every scrap of make up she had on at the beginning of the day,
came off with all the tears she cried.
They were such happy tears,
tears of joy,
tears of pride,
tears of love,
 tears of patriotism.

This is a photograph of the women who adore this young man.
From left to right:
My sister Julia, his Godmother who totally adores him.
Me, the doting Grandma.
Conor the Man/Boy Soldier.
Jazmine his little sister who hero worships him.
His Very Proud Mum Clair, my daughter, I was so happy for her today.
My baby daughter Helen, who has cherished her nephew from the day he was born.

I told you I would bore you and guess what?  I am not apologising for it either...
They may be more tomorrow, can you take it..LOL

Goodnight, God Bless, from a very tired but very happy grandma.

Thursday, 12 August 2010

Thursday Evening

Thank you all, for the good wishes and emails regarding Ralph's scan today, you really don't know what it means to us both.  He had the scan at lunchtime and we now have to wait 10 to 15 day's for the result...

I am leaving him tonight, wish I wasn't but I do need to be somewhere special tomorrow.  My darling grandson Conor passes out of his basic training tomorrow, where did that six month's go? So a grandma has got to do what a grandma has got to do.  Go and stand with a lump in her throat, blinded by tears and a heart beating with so much pride it almost explodes in her chest. As her gorgeous grandson march's on parade...Good Lord I am filling up already!!

So in half an hour I take off on a four hour journey with my baby daughter and Conor's brother and sister.
I am sure I will bore you silly with my account of the day..

Thank you for being there.

Very Early Thursday Morning

It is the wee small hours of Thursday morning and I cannot sleep. I am trying not to worry about Ralph's scan later on today. But when you lay in the darkness, listening to the breathing of your soulmate, you lover, your reason, it is difficult to avoid the fears you can push away in the daylight hours. I love this man in a way I never knew I was capable of, he loves me in a way I never thought I deserved. He came into my life to save my life. He has been my harbour to come home to after many years of stormy sea's.

This is one of my favourite photo's of him take last winter when he was feeding the birds in the snow. I love to see him in a hat.
Please keep him in your prayers today.

Tuesday, 10 August 2010

Tuesday Evening

I have spent a very pleasant day with my man, we went for a walk this morning, the first in a long time.  It was good but I am so unfit now it is scarey. I managed 3,497 steps, which is awful, considering I was doing over 12,000 a few months ago.  I have got to step it up and get in the groove again.

We went to see "Cats and Dogs" with Jess, Jazz and Em, it was fun and just what we needed. As Ralph got his appointment through for his brain scan, this Thursday at 12:30pm.  All prayers and healing thought's sent out around then would be greatly appreciated.

We finalised our holiday plans last night and we now know where we are going!!
Three Nights in Boston MA
Two Nights in Scarborough ME
Three Nights in Bangor ME
One Night in Bethel ME
Two Nights in North Conway NH
Two Nights in Enfield NH
Two Nights in Boston MA
Four Nights in New York NY

So now we need advice and guidance on lots of things:
What type of car would be best to hire?
What is the price of fuel?
Are there any hidden gem's we should not miss, off the tourist track?
What food should we not miss?
What should we avoid?

I know of some fabulous women that I looking forward to meeting on our travels:

I would love to meet any other bloggers out there....

By the way, re: yesterday's post, I did send a letter to my daughter two days after receiving her's. I have heard nothing since....

Monday, 9 August 2010

Monday Morning

"I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Marilyn Monroe.
One of my friends had this as her Facebook status and it just got me.  I am so glad Ralph deserves me.

I have today at work and then I have four days holiday. I was going to stay with my eldest daughter and her family, but I am not now.  She cancelled a couple of weeks ago with a very hurtful note, not the best of times for her to throw me a hissy fit.  She does this every two or three years, lashing out with hurtful words. I try to rationalise it and after the initital hurt let it go. This time it has been different and I cannot leave her words on the paper.  They have burrowed deep into my heart and mind and they hurt like mad. I keep referring back to Marilyn's quote, to try to ease the pain. When Jen is here she is great, but she is a serviceman's wife and lives four hours away. She has issues as they say, when these isssues rear their ugly head, she takes it out on me. So I am hanging on to the quote as it says it all.

"I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle.
But if you can't handle me at my worst,
then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
Marilyn Monroe.

Saturday, 7 August 2010

My First Attempt at Stamping in a Long While


This stamp sort of JUMPED out at me when I opened a drawer of my stamp chest.
Do you think someone is trying to tell me something?

Saturday Morning First Six Day Summary.

Work was better yesterday, seemingly the Practice Manager had a quiet word with the clique about the atmostsphere in the workplace. The atmosphere was less stressed, so finger's crossed it will improve over the coming weeks.

I have been on anti depressants for four weeks now and to be honest I do not feel they have done anything for me.  My doctor says it takes between four to six weeks for the drugs to start taking effect, three months for the full effects?? So they should be in full effect by the time of our big holiday.....

It is six days since I started my "Sixty Day Plan". It has been a gentle start. 
I have enjoyed some family time, having meals with my daughters and their children on seperate nights. That was really good.

Reading is back on my agenda, that is really good.
I have done a couple of short walks, they have shown me how far back I have let myself slide.
That was a major wake up call, but I am not stressing about it.
Meditation needs work, but it is early days yet.

I am off out to my shed this morning, who know's I may create something.....

Today I am grateful for:
1. Freedom, I am shaking of shackles of the past.
2. Reason, I am seeing my life clearer, it may soon be seem in HD.
3. Choice, I am choosing to get well in mind, body and spirit.

Have a good weekend dear friends.

Friday, 6 August 2010

Friday Morning

Gratitude: A feeling of thankfullness.

Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving. Kahlil Gibran.

Thank You Lord for this day you have made for me.

Thursday, 5 August 2010

Thursday Afternoon

My return to work has been nerve wracking and I very nearly came home early today, but I stuck it out. There has been some bitching and muttering's by a certain clique about me getting preferential treatment and the staff not being informed about my altered duties. The person who has been covering my shift was informed by the Practice Manager on Monday that she would be covering the late shift all week as I would be working the middle of the day on admin and scanning. In order to break back into the working enviroment gentley, but she denies all knowledge of the conversation!  I was there, part of the conversation, but she continues to deny all knowledge of what was said.  The atmosphere is not pleasant and I am so close to throwing in the towel.

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

Tuesday Evening

After a traumatic start to the day, we are now sat on the sofa, my man is dozing and I am watching my lovely friend Rosemary Merry on QVC.

This morning, I had to get Ralph to the doctor's. He had a severe migraine attack which was not relieved in any way by his medication. He has also start seeing double images if he looks to the side, so it is very worrying.  His doctor has referred him for a CAT scan and to a Opthamologist. He picked up later in the day, but I am worried about him.

I am back to work tomorrow, very nervous about it, but I have got to jump back in the pool.  I am going in on altered duties, therefore, no contact with patient's. I have lost my confidence in my ability to cope with the needs of patients.  So my boss has suggested I come in and do admin and scanning.  Not on shift, but in the middle of the day, because if I was on shift, I would have to deal with the phones and I honestly cannot face it at the moment.

So can I ask you? Please hold both of us in your thoughts and prayers.

Monday, 2 August 2010

Sixty Day Plan

My Sixty Day Plan is to do what is best for me.
For my mind, body and soul.

There will be no pressure, in fact the emphisis will be on pleasure.
I will free my mind from the dark place it has resided in for the past few week. The way I will do this is to learn to meditate on JOY.  Enjoying simple pleasure's of music, reading, sleeping, creating and just being me.

I will free my body from the heavy, uncomfortable prison it has resided in for months.  The way I will do this is to learn to focus on what you put into the body, the body becomes.  I need a happy, wholesome painfree body. I am going to get it. Eating simply, walking daily, exercising slowly.

I will free my soul from the suffering of the past weeks and months.  The way I will do this is to surrender to the Good Lord. I have been fighting Him for a long time now, feeling unworthy and wretched. I will learn to pray with reverence, to meditate on the mystery of Christ. I will read, listen and learn and come to know I am a child of God and He does love me.

Each sixth day I will blog about how my plan is going.  This will be to enable me to glean the positives from the plan and cast away any negatives that show their ugly faces.

By the end of sixty days, I plan to be stronger, happier and living in the JOY that I deserve.

Thank you for reading.

Sunday, 1 August 2010

August Already?

Where is this year disappearing to?
It is so scarey, time goes so quickly now.

Well I got out of the cul-de-sac, it was a bit of a struggle. A lot of heart searching and praying, a lot of counselling by my darling Trish and ton's of TLC from my darling husband. Topped off with many hugs and kisses from four gorgeous grandkids.

I have made a Sixty Day Plan today, it is a fresh new month a mini fresh start.  You know me and my fresh starts and sixty is my number this year anyway. I am not putting myself under any pressure with my plan, I will write about it tomorrow as it is time for bed in the Shoebox.

Good night God Bless.