Clearing The Air

We had rain last night and it did a lot to clear the air, everything feels much fresher and lighter today.
My mood is improving, I have so many thoughts and plans going round my head at the moment.
I don't feel so stuck, heavy and inert.

I watched an episode of Oprah earlier this afternoon and the message was "Don't Stop Believing"
I have always liked that song but it got to me today. If I don't believe in me, who will.
The "secret" of success is self belief and I haven't had that recently. 
In fact my inferiority complex has come back with a vengence over the past few weeks.
I have carried it like a heavy weight all of my life until Ralph came along.

Well it is getting kicked out today, I am not letting it get me down anymore.
I am grabbing my life back, no more self pity.
I am sick of listening to me moaning (Here and in my head)
It stops right here right now.

I am Blessed but have been Blind.

My eyes are now open wide and I will only see the good in my life.
My husband is my tower of strength, my reason, my soulmate.
My children and grandchildren are my pride and JOY.
My friends are my special support and happiness (Trish especially)

So the floor has been cleared,
The air has been cleared,
my dance of  JOY begins Today

Weekly Goal Review

I copied Suzi last Sunday and set some weekly goals..

1. Do at least thirty minutes exercise each day.
Failed Miserably
2. Declutter for fifteen minutes each day.
Did a lot of decluttering, more than fifteen minutes a day, but still loads to do!
3. Get my hair cut, it's driving me mad.
Did it and coloured it and NOBODY noticed!!!
4.Drink more water, I always fall down with this one and really need to get to grips with it.
Failed Miserably. Start taking photo's again
Took one of Emily's birthday cake and then
left camera at my daughter's....
 
One Must Do Better
One Will do Better

I am sticking with the same goals this week, will try harder.
 
I am joining Deb's FREEDOM Challenge from July 5th
 I am still working on my goals but they will be based on gaining freedom from material stuff and increasing my spiritual awarness.  Must get away from this dark cloud that is hanging over me.

Thank you for your lovely comments, you really are amazing people.

How Much STUFF Do We Need

When my darling and I got together, we came from broken relationships. Both of us left the homes we had both built over the years. We did not have the division of property senario that comes from divorce.

I left the home I had lived in for thirty years and moved into furnished rented accomodation. My heart, soul and mind were battered and material things were the last things on my mind.

My darling went to work in Saudi Arabia in 2004, to earn fabulous money to clear the debt's of his marriage. He came back to Britain a divorced man. Debt had just been a visible symptom of a broken relationship that did not survive the repair efforts.

When we got together, we were both working on clearing debts, both had realised that material things do not mean a thing. Both believing if you have love you have everything.

Forward to this week...

Here we are, in our little Shoebox which is approximately 50 feet by 14 feet. It has a living room, kitchen, bathroom and bedroom.  We have two sheds in the back garden, one being my craft shed. The Shoebox and the sheds are full to bursting, oh and we also have self storage 10 minutes from home.

The spat we had on Wednesday was about all the Stuff we have accumulated over the four years we have been together. It is taking over, suffocating us...So what happened???

We are very fortunate in that we now have no debt's and both have decent jobs and can both afford to buy within reason, anything that takes our fancy.  We have taken a fancy to far too much...

So a major declutter needs to be undertaken, I could open a shop with all the books and magazines, how many sets of bedding does one couple need?

How many cd's can one listen too, especially when you like silence?

85% of the stuff that is clogging up this house is due to me. I am trying to work through why I need so much stuff, I don't need it, but enjoyed buying it. 

Why did I enjoy buying it? 
Because I could!!

As a child I was Secondhand Rose, very rarely getting anything new.
As a young wife and mother, there was no money left for little luxuries or treat for me.
Four children in under five years and a low income saw to that and at the time it didn't matter.
As the children grew up there was never enough money. As was and is the case now with young families.
So now I am able to spend and buy whatever and it has gone crazily to the other extreme.

The pleasure of shopping and not having that knot in the pit of my stomach knowing I can't afford to buy, has been a real pleasure.  Now though it has made our home cluttered and uncomfortable.
So it stops here and it stops now.

I want space back in our home.
I want serenity back in our home.
I want  JOY back in our home.

There is so much love in this home that  JOY is wanting to dance.
JOY and dancing need the space, so I am off to clear the space.

Feeling Strange

I'm feeling off kilter with the world, out of step with everything and no matter how many times I try to get in step I don't succeed. I so feel like retreating into my black velvet room and locking out the world.

Emily's birthday was lovely, she was a little star and made my day.
The England team did what they had to do, carry on lads.
Well done theUSA especailly Landon Donovan who played for my team EVERTON.

But after that everything seems to have deflated good style.
I am on edge and miserable.  My darling and I had a spat
yesterday and that has left me wounded and sad.

I need my black velvet room.

Momentus Day

My Darling Emily is Six Today

I thank God for this Joyful Day.

She is our little miracle.

She is having a little tea party this afternoon, I will be at work:(

But I am going round  after work for big hugs and giggles.

I can't wait.

**********************

A momentus day also for the England football team.

They have been utter rubbish so far at the World Cup.

The game against Slovenia is their last chance to stay in the competition.

They need to find their passion.

Maybe wearing the Red Strip will inspire the passion

Come On England!!!

Good Life Award

I received this Beautiful Award from the lovely

Friend of the Bear

Part of the award is to answer the questions below, which was fun,

then to pass it one to five favourite bloggers.

So herer goes...

1. What would your perfect day consist of?

My perfect day would be spent with my best friend Trish,

a little crafting, a lot of laughing, ton's of talking.

Topped off with a delicious meal with all my favourite people. That would be some meal..lol

It would need to be a rather large restaurant!!

2. How would you describe yourself if you were an item of clothing?

This is a difficult one, maybe a comfy dressing gown.

Not glamourous I know but hey ho thats me:)

3. What hobbies are you currently working on?

Scrapbooking, stamping, cooking, photography...

4. Walking in the woods in wellies or bare foot on the beach?

Would have to be the beach although I love walking in the woods but not in wellies!!

5. Have you ever hugged or sang to a tree?

I often hug tree's, love them to bits.

6. Growing your own veggies or nipping to the supermarket?

Sorry, has to be supermarket, no space to grow our own, due to my sheds!!

7. Have you found anyone exciting in your family tree?

No, but I am still looking;)

8. Slap up meal in a posh restaurant or fish 'n' chips from the wrapper?

Sharing fish n chips, parked down by the River Mersey is one of our favourite

treats, so a slap up posh restaurant meal would be a very pleasant change, but not better.

9. Which element do you most resonate with, Earth, Air, Fire or water?

Water, being a Piscean, it soothes me, I love to walk in the rain,

I have stood naked in torrential rain and it was one of the most wonderful feeling ever.

10. Do you believe in fairy's?

Of Course;)

 Now the passing on of the award, I am a little worried about this as in recent weeks I have read how awards terrify some bloggers.  I am not wanting to stress any one out, I just want to spread some fun.

So here goes:

http://debwillbethin.blogspot.com/

http://lorettasjourney.blogspot.com/

http://danasafattymcbutterpants.blogspot.com/

http://buttercupcountsherblessings.blogspot.com/

http://dawneandgreg.blogspot.com/

I can't do that linky thing again sorry:(

I had fun with this, hope you do.

Thanks again to Bear Friend.

Weekly Goals (Thanks Suzi)

Thank you everyone for the tips re my trip.
I am still looking for hints and more tips so please keep them coming.

I have been inspired by the Wonderful Spunky Suzi this weekend. 
She sets herself weekly goals and I think I am going to be a copy cat.

I am setting myself 5 goals for this week.

1. Do at least thirty minutes exercise each day.
2. Declutter for fifteen minutes each day.
3. Get my hair cut, it's driving me mad.
4.Drink more water, I always fall down with this one and really need to get to grips with it.
5. Start taking photo's again.

I will do a review of the week each Sunday evening and see if I can get my mojo working again.

I have had a wonderful weekend, yesterday was spent with the ever wonderful Trish and the Gorgeous Domestic Goddess Sam.  We were supposed to be scrapbooking but we just had a great day, chatting, laughing, generally putting the world to rights. Could do with  few more days like that.

Today was spent with my darling, we have had a big sort out in the bedroom, I have three big bags of clothes to go to charity and we both now have room in our wardrobes. We did not get as much done as we planned, due to an unexpected but most welcome visit from my daughter and granddaughter. We had a lovely couple of hours with them both.  Emily had all my shoes out as usual, she loves grandma's high heels.

When they left we had a delicious chicken salad and then reorganised the living room, we seem to have more space now somehow?  We have decided we need to redecorate, so guess what I am looking for this week?

We are now watching Brazil v Ivory Coast after a delicious stirfry for tea.
Tomorrow is the Longest Day and then the nights start to draw in, where is the year going?

Travelling Light

I am looking for some advice on how to travel light on our three week trip to New England in October.
I really don't want to be hindered by too much stuff and I am wondering if there are any good idea's out there? I'm also looking for clothing that will travel well and not need any ironing, or at least  just need a minimum of ironing. I learnt my lesson when we went to Turkey, I packed far too much and I am not doing that again.

I'm also looking to plan the rest of our trip.  We are spending three days in Boston at the beginning and four days in New York at the end. So we will have forteen days in between and we cannot decide what route to take.  There is so much we want to see but have to be sensible. It is pointless driving for hours each day and just being shattered at the end of the day. I would like to stop over two or three nights in three or four places.

We both love lighthouses so we are thinking of travelling up the coast and come back down to Boston further in land. We will then travel to New York by train.  So any idea's folks?  I am planning on getting all the accomodation sorted before the end of July.  Again if you know of any delightful and reasonably price places to stay I would be very happy to hear from you.

Sixty Reasons to Smile

Just realised I have got 60 Followers:)
That is Neat...means I did get one 60 while 60 :)

Thank you for taking the time to drop by.
I am honoured.

A Decision

I have made a decision this week.
I am not dieting any more.

I will strive to eat healthily in order
to keep my diabetes under control.
I will strive to take at least
thirty minutes excerise a day.
But I will no longer battle with the scales.

I had a lovely afternoon out today with an old friend.
 Over a pannini and coffee at Starbucks
we discussed the battlewith calories,
fat content, sugar content etc.

She was bemoaning the fact that giving up butter, chocolate and biscuits
for Lent this year, made no difference to her weight.
When I tried to say the older we get the more difficult it is to lose weight,
she argued with me, in a good natured way.
I said the days we could drop seven pounds in a week, were long gone.
She didn't agree with me and aims to prove it to me next week.
I wished her good luck but will not hold my breath.

To be perfectly truthful I am tired, tired of counting calories, pounds and ounces.
So I will now be concerntrating on how delicious my food is.
I have dug out my diabetes cookbooks and Dr Oz.

I will be guided  by how I feel, physically, mentally and emotionally.
Rather than the calorie value, the fat content of the food I use to fuel
this body of mine.

So many of my favourit blogger's have lost their weight by following a healthy eating regime. 
They have had so much success as I have tread water counting calories, so  it shows that diets do not work.

So I will carry on blogging but no longer focused on dieting. 
It will be a mixed bag of stuff, I hope you will stick with me.

A Big Thank You for the love and support I have been sent over the past week
in comments, emails and text messages.  I have said it before and I will say it again.
There are some Very Special People out there in Blogland
and I am delighted to have met a good few of you.
Now I want to meet you in Real Life:)

Things Are Good

Things are good.
I am learning not to beat myself up.
Had some good times with my lovely family
and my wonderful husband.

Stepping Out For a While

I have decided to take a break, from weight chasing and blogging.
After visiting the doctor today and his comments about my being too hard on myself.
I am going to take a week or two off and try to get back to a simpler, gentler way of being healthy.

I must say thank you to everyone who left lovely caring comments, you really are special people.
Very special thanks go to Suzi and Sean for your very genuine care and concern.

I will be back and I will get to where I want to be.

My love to you all xxx

Struggling

I am struggling very badly, I am eating crap, feeling like crap, I am in a dark place right now and I don't know why.

I am loved, I have a roof, I have a bed, I have warmth, I have healthy children and grandchildren.
I have a job, I have friends, I have no money worries, I have every reason to be happy....

I am diabetic
I am killing myself with sugar.

WHY?? Will someone please tell me WHY?

Truthful Tuesday

The truth is......

I feel much better today.

Any Questions?

The Day After

After a Wonderful day yesterday,
I am feeling very flat and very lonely
My man is away for three days
at the other end of the country
and I am missing him so badly.
I had all these positive plan's about
what I was going to do while he was away.

Guess what? The plan disappeared when he walked out
 the door this morning at 5:30. I went to work this morning,
that was ok, but when I got home at 1:45 and closed the door
on the world, I felt so alone. It is utterly stupid I know,
he will be home on Wednesday night so what is my problem? 

Tomorrow and Wednesday will be better,
I am meeting friends on both days after work,
I wish I had made arrangements for today also.

Needless to say, my eating has not been good,
in fact I have hardly eaten apart from two bowls of cereal.
I am so pathetic.

FaBuLoUs SunDaY

Today we were treated to a delicous meal by my best friend Trish and her husband Phil, for my birthday:)
It is great when celebrations last a few months. The photo's of the food are on my other blog

Here are photo's of Very Dear Friends

Trish, Phil and Angela, Trish the bestest friend ever, Phil her husband, who suffered a brain injury in 2002 and Phil's stepmother Angela,  she is only a couple of years older than Phil.

I can see a sparkle in Phil's eye's I haven't seen for years.  That smile is a real smile and that has been missing for years.  a reduction in tranqulliser's over the past few months have brought a postive change in this handsome guy.  I cannot tell you how happy this made me today


My dearest friend in the whole world, Trish, my angel, we have been through so much together and seperately over the years. We have laughed and cried through so much happiness and heartache,  She is just THE BEST.

Best Friends and New Friends, Ralph and Phil are still getting to know each other.

New people tend to stress Phil out, but he has met Ralph a few times now and  they get on well.

They have some things in common, 

both were in the Royal Air Force,

both are married to wonderful women:)

This is a photo of Friends Forever.

I ate frugally yesterday, had a banana a a nectarine for breakfast this morning. To save calories for this meal.
It was so worth it. The owner's of the restaurant have lost 9 stone between them and maintained the loss for three years, eating this kind of food. Trish told me the story while we were waiting for our meal, she told me that Kate had a pair of trousers that showed how much she had lost. So when she was serving our meal, I mentioned this too her saying I believed she had an interesting pair of trousers. She laughed and said "Oh yes, I will go and find them to show you." About fifteen minutes later she brought the trousers to us. Oh boy, that girl has lost some weight!! They must have been size 24 (British) and she is now size 12(British) She looks so good, I asked how she did it and the usual answer came back, healthy eating and exercise, in her case running and swimming. Why do I keep asking the secret? It isn't a secret, it is a well known fact!! Exercise burns calories, exercise boosts the metabolism, exercise is the answer!! Get on with it woman!!!!!!



Rhiwafallen Restaurant with Rooms

Scales Picture

Here is my scales photo, now I feel more comfortable with the Summer Challenge:)

My camera was under a pile of ironing:(

No the ironing is not done, I just had a panic attack about my camera

and pulled the place apart looking for it.

I have joined Kandice's Summer Challenge
a week late due to my holidays.
Friday is Weigh Day.
This morning I weighed in at 218
which is a loss of 2lb since Tuesday:) 
I am not getting excited about it but the scales are going the right way.

My Goal for the Summer Challenge
is to lose at least 15pounds
in the three months. 

Because I only like to weigh one a week, I am going to weigh on a Friday to link in with the challenge rather than on Tuesday's . I hope to be at least another 2lb's down next Friday.  I have just realised I should have taken a photo of the scales:( but my camera has gone walkabout. I will make sure I have a photo of next week, or does this disqualify me?

Had a good week, well since Tuesday, eating wise, got to step up the exercise though.

Have a great weekend, I'm going to:)

Her she is, my new fitness coach, isn't she cute?

She is strong too, she needs to be!!

Another Plan

Another Plan, getting back in the saddle, starting over, regrouping, planning for success. There are many other cliche's and I guess over the years I have used them ans some more.  This time I am not blowing a trumpet to herald a new game on. This time it is going to be quiet honesty, this time it is going to be hopeful. this time it is me being my own best friend.

I put on four pounds on holiday, they did not come off over the weekend as I had hoped.  In fact since Emily was ill at the beginning of March, I have put on seventeen pounds. Half of the total taken off up until then. It hit me this morning when I got weighed and looked back at my so call progress over the year. So it is serious now.  I have just under eighteen weeks to my New England holiday.  In that eighteen weeks I want to lose thirty pounds. The calorie books are back out, as are my food scales and my measuring cups and spoons. The tape measure has been wielded and the numbers have been crunched.

Today I weigh 220 pounds. my aim is to get to 190 for October. So along with healthy eating there will be a huge increase in my exercise regime. Today I bought a bike, in fact I bought two, one for my man and one for me. The plan is to ride to and from work and build up to several miles a day. It's back to the gym and get the Wii Fit going again. I know that is where the problem lies, we haven't done half as much exercise since Emily's illness.

I said in yesterday's post I would answer any questions about me and my life on my Truthful Tuesday.
My truth today is I am ashamed of having let the weight slid on so easily, but I am ready to do something about it.

Any questions?