Sunday, 18 July 2010

Wake Up Call...

The scrapbook retreat was wonderful, the venue, the food, the company, the organisation were all brilliant.
Being with Trish was the best, she is a wonderful, loving and caring woman.  I am so blessed to have her as my best  friend.I was taken to hospital on Saturday with severe chest pain and she was with me every step of the way. I had the best possible care from the most fantastic people.  It was very scarey and hope I never experience anything like it again. From Nigel, to Judy, a doctor at the retreat. From the three paramedic's to the nurses and doctors at the hospital. The A&E support worker who stuggled to get my blood, to the staff nurse with a very pretty name.  They were all amazing and I am so grateful for their kindness and great care.

I had two lots of bloods taken, two ECG's and a chest xray and thankfully there was nothing wrong with my heart.  The general consensus is it was a caffeine overload.  I do not usually drink coffee, but I do not like tea in the hotel.  So I was drinking coffee from Friday afternoon until the chest pain started. It is the only  thing I can think can of caused the severe pain in the centre of my chest.

Today I have felt wonderful, euphoric in fact.  Yesterday I thought I was dying and it scared me so. I realised how precious life is and  I want to live a long, long time. The love and compassion I received from strangers when I returneds to the hotel yesterday evening was very humbling. My husband came back early from Scotland when Trish rang him to let him know what was happening. He arrived at the hotel at around 9pm and brought me home. We needed to cling to each other after such a scare.  We talked a lot about the emotions, thoughts and fears of the day.

This morning I went back to the hotel for the last day of the retreat.  I went into the restaurant to find Trish having breakfast. We had an emotional reunion, yesterday it was banter and nervous laughter to keep my spirits up.  Today is was the realisation of how it could have gone so far the other way, There were hugs, tears and hand holding and a immense feeling of gratitude.

When we went into the room where we were scrapbooking, I was greeting by such kind and welcoming words and hugs.  All day people were coming to me expressing their concern and their pleasure at seeing me looking well.

This was a Wake Up Call and I am acting on it.
I know I want to live, I want to lead a happy, healthy, joyful life.
I know thge depression will probably decent upon me again within days.
I am going to fight it every step of the way.



spunkysuzi said...

I am so glad that your o.k! "hugs" I was really fighting tears when i started to read this post until i realized that you were o.k.
The kindness in strangers is sometimes amazing!!
I must say that i agree with you about tea i simply only like it when i make it at home :)
Take care of yourself my friend!!! The fight really is worth it.

anne h said...

I am SOOOO glad you are ok.
You mean so much to so many people.
Sometimes we don't see our own worth.
Caffeine? We treat it lightly, but it is a very strong chemical.
From me - the caffeine queen!

Sam said...

Sheilagh - I'm so glad it was nothing more serious and glad you were able to enjoy the remainder of the retreat. Hope to see you soon xx

Katie J said...

I am glad you are okay! Wow how scary that must have been. What a blessing to have a friend standing by. Be well Miss Sheilagh!

cmoursler said...

glad you are okay...sometimes a scrape with eternity can really set our minds straight.
enjoy your new perspective hon.

dawne said...

Oh my have had your share of ups and downs. Way to take positive from it. You are so lovely through and through. Stay away from that coffee!

Anonymous said...


Rettakat said...

Wow, what a rough way to put things in perspective! How blessed you were to have been in the hands of such kind people.

I'm glad to read that you are okay, and feeling better, and determined to choose life.


Anonymous said...

OH! I'm sorry I missed this post, Sheilagh.

I so related to many parts of it. Isn't it amazing? There you were considering suicide--which would seem to indicate a desire to stop living, right?--yet when you thought you might actually be about to die, you sought medical help to prevent it. The thought of actually dying frightened you.

And the conclusion? You realized that you must not really want to die. You want to live a ful and joy-filled life.

I, too, have had that realization--several times. And now, I can USE it to my advantage. When I have suicidal ideation, I remind myself that I don't really want to die--I just want to end the emotional pain.

AND there are other ways to do that besides killing my whole self.

Pain can be killed--while allowing myself to live. What a concept, huh? chuckle.

I believe you when you say that you're going to fight the depression that is trying rob you of the joyful life you're meant to have.

I believe you--and believed it before you said it--because you are doing that every day. You are.

I am thrilled that you had that heart scare. It provided a hard-won, but essential bit of knowledge for you. You want to live. Wahoo!

Hugs & prayers,