Paul Carrack - Satisfy My Soul

It was a good weekend, we spent Saturday in Liverpool with my baby daughter Helen and her two gorgeous girls Jessica and Emily. I was a very relaxed and happy day and it did me the world of good. Yesterday was spent doing some more delcuttering with my darling.  We had a good day with a few laughs.

Today is my first day on my own and I am trying to keep busy and have some noise about me. I listened to the positive thinking cd and although the voice on it drones I will continue to use it, along with the medication.
I always used to have music playing, but I realised this week I have not had music in the house for a long time. I have a cd on in the car always, but the house as been quiet for a long time, too long.

So this morning I picked out a couple of cd's at random and I got Lonestar and Paul Carrack. They were both good choices and I enjoyed them both. Paul Carrack's words and music always touch's me and
"Satisfy My Soul" got me this morning.

Yes it is/was me, I was considering suicide.
 I don't know why, I really don't.
There is no way I can explain my thinking or my actions.
I am sincerely sorry to have caused such concern.

Two doctors, one of my employers and my own gp.
 Have talked to me at length, yesterday and today.
Resulting in my being signed off work for initially two weeks and
have been prescribed antidepressants.

I am sincerely sorry for the pain and hurt I have caused my
darling husband and my dearest Trish.
My children are not aware of how low I have been and
I hope will never find out that I had seriously considered ending my life.

I am truly grateful for the love and concern I have felt, read and heard
of tonight. I will reply to all the emails as soon as I can but just want to say
thank you here, you all know who you are and you are very special.

Suicide is Painless? Is It?

Why would someone who seems to have it all consider suicide?
How can someone be seen to be living a normal life be thinking of suicide?
What stupid chemical reaction in the brain can make suicide an attractive option?
Is it a chemical reaction or is it a demon that taunts and pushes in the darkness of solitude?

The Hallway Before Decluttering

Blooger is being a right pain in the A$$ right now, it is mucking up my photo's, blocking comments I am seriously thinking of packing in here!!

Trouble with Blogger?

Is anyone else having trouble with Blogger?

I have tried to leave comments on several blogs and keep getting bounced off?

The Freedom Challenge

Well here we go....

I am joining in Deb's Freedom Challenge.

It begin's today and ends in four weeks time on August 2th.

I have four goals goals for this four weeks:

One

1. Ride my brand new bike that I have had

over a month on only ridden 20 yards so far.

I want to ride at least three miles every other day.

So I should have ridden 42 miles

by the end of the challenge.

(Maybe more)

Two

Read at least one book each week of the challenge.

Since my darling and I have been together

I have not read in bed.

I have always done my reading in bed, all of my life.

I miss reading so I have got to learn to read out of bed ;)

Three

 I am going to declutter the hallway.

Photo's will chart my progress.

Four 

Finally I will try to learn to meditate and pray as I did as a young woman.

When my faith was strong and true. I want that back.

Happy July 4th

Just home from Bonnie Scotland, tired but happy to be home.
Just wanted to wish all my friends in the USA the Happiest of Day's today.

July 1st But a Little Late

I had meant to post about being in July already, but things got away from me today.
Work was YuCk!!
My husband was/is poorly sick.
The plumber who was supposed to come at 9am arrive and 2:40pm,
right in the middle of the tennis!!

We took Titch to stay with my daughter for the weekend
as we are going up to Scotland tomorrow until Sunday.
I am a little nervous about Titch jumping up on
my lovely mother in law in her fragile state.
So we will leave her with Helen for the moment.

So as I won't be about until Monday I just want to wish all you lovely folk across the pond
Happy Canada Day. (See I sent the Queen to join your celebrations;))
and
Happy Independence Day for Sunday.

Monday will see the start of Deb's Freedom Challenge so I will be posting my goals for that.
They will have nothing to do with weight!!

Have a Great Weekend